Monday, April 6, 2009

The MONSTA ® Wine Glass is Here!

I am very pleased to introduce my new line of MONSTA ® brand wine glasses to my faithful One Wine Per Week readers and allow you first crack at the first ones off the conveyor belt!

"There's already so many different wine glasses on the market, so what makes yours even worth looking at?" You might well ask.

You hit the nail on the head. My new glasses are worth LOOKING at.

Wine is not only a delight for the nose and palate, but for the eyes as well. Wine needs to be served in a glass that enables it to look its best, to look the way the winemaker intended. My MONSTA ® brand wine glasses present the wine with minimal interference of appearance from one side of the glass to the other, so the color of the wine is the color you actually see.

Did you know that different colors of wine have different chromospectromatographic properties? That is, white wines have a different color than red wines and they both look different from sparkling wines.

In order for the wine drinker to have the ultimate experience, he or she should be able to tell what color of wine is in the glass. That is why I have designed three separate wine glasses, one each for white, red and sparkling, respectively. Each has been manufactured to allow the true color of the wine to shine through.

Here is my red wine glass. Do you see how the color red shines through? There is no lack of brilliance.

Now compare it to wine served in a different glass. See the difference? That is why YOU need to buy my MONSTA ® wine glasses and buy them right now!

The same holds true for white wines. Compare white wine served in my MONSTA ® glass (top) versus in a regular glass (bottom). No comparison, is there..

And of course sparkling wine gets its due, as well. Form and function, beautifully integrated into the perfect shape for enhancing bubbles and the perfect glass for enhancing appearance. Notice how the bubbles are much more well defined with a more accurate soundstage and separation in the top MONSTA ® glass versus the ordinary regular glass shown below it?

It's quality you can see. For a limited time I am pricing my new MONSTA ® glasses at a special introductory price of $295.00 per stem, while initial supplies last. After that, the price will go up so I urge you to leave me a comment with your purchasing information today because it is first come first served.

Oh and also, remember that MONSTA ® glass is a registered trademark. I will sue the pants off anyone who tries to use a name that even remotely resembles that name.. even if your name has six letters in it that is or isn't an anagram of MONSTA ®, I advise you now, you've been warned.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Special Edition

Folks, today's post has nothing to do with wine, but it is something that makes me so very angry (and while I know this blog has a lot of leg-pulling, this time I am serious) that I had to write about it.

Are you familiar with Monster brand cables? They are those overpriced ripoff cables sold by overpriced ripoff places like Best Buy, cables that perform no better than ones that cost 1/10 or even less of the price.

Today's Wall Street Journal featured an article on the front page about how Monster likes to sue other businesses that have the word "Monster" in their name. The example they used was of a couple who created a company called "Monster Mini-Golf." The evil, bullying Monster Cable company sued them in court demanding they surrender their name and pay Monster Cable $80,000 for the right to use it. To read the article, click here.

Then the article goes on to list other examples, such as their suit against Disney for using the title "Monsters, Inc." for one of their movies, as well as other ridiculous examples.

I am totally disgusted. To me, the other companies should be suing Monster Cable for degrading the word and giving it a negative connotation as something that lacks value, and is snake oil. Soon they will find that Monster will take on a generic meaning, as have Kleenex and Xerox; Monster will be a generic term for "overpriced ripoff garbage."

Like I said, I know this blog is supposed to be about wine but I got so incensed reading this article that for the few readers I have, I wanted to encourage all of you to please, please never buy a shoddy, snake oil ripoff Monster Cable product again, and please urge your friends to do the same.

There is no room for unethical bullies like that in our world.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Domaine De La Romanee Conti Tasting

I had the grand fortune of being invited to a tasting of wines from the Domaine de la Romanee Conti (DRC) a couple of days - actually evenings - ago. In a gorgeous room in a gorgeous house with a gorgeous view from the hills above Laurel Canyon, our gracious host opened bottles of the entire DRC line from the 1985 and 1989 vintages.

Starting with the Echezeaux and proceeding upwards all the way to my first-ever taste of Romanee Conti itself, I kept thinking this must be a dream. As we asked ourselves if anything could be better than what was in the glass in front of us, next came the answer as the host poured from the bottles, ascending through the famed line.

After the final pour, as we sat there savoring our most likely once-in-a-lifetime experience, our host dropped the bombshell.

"May I safely assume that with all of the oohs and aahs I heard that you were thoroughly impressed?" he asked us.

We nodded.

"What if I were to tell you that this was my early April Fools joke on all of you? That these wines were not really made by the DRC, but came from Trader Joes? Two Buck Chuck all around?" He laughed, then pushed out a box of empty 2BC bottles to show us.

"That right there, that Richebourg - or so what you thought was a Richebourg - it's this," he stated flatly while tapping on a bottle of 2005 Syrah. "And the La Tache? I just made a random mix of Merlot, Syrah and a bit of Cabernet. Not even a drop of Pinot Noir!"

We sat there astonished, not knowing what to say. We just stared at him.

"Have any of you ever tasted a bottle of wine from the DRC?"

We all looked at each other and shook our heads.

"So you didn't know what to expect, did you?"

"Uh, I thought that they were supposed to taste different than other wines," remarked one of us tasters sheepishly. "I thought it tasted kind of funny but I didn't want to say anything just in case that's the way it was supposed to taste."

"Funny, huh?" repeated our host. "Well, yeah, I guess. Is that what the rest of you thought?"

People were slow to speak at first but then the conversation became more and more animated as everyone began voicing the suspicions that they had while tasting the wines, but were too inhibited to say anything at the time.

"So in other words, you all thought something was amiss but you held back, am I right?" our host asked, laughing. We laughed, too.

"Next time we should speak our real minds, shouldn't we?" I said.

"Damn right," declared our host. "Now let me tell you something. You see those empty bottles of 2BC in that box? They've been empty for a month because I bought them and poured the wines down the drain. What you all drank tonight was the real thing - genuine DRC."

With all of our jaws dropped, he continued. "So at first you were raving about the wine and then when you thought it was 2BC you rationalized how you were suspicious but didn't say anything, so which is it? What do you really think?"

Well, I don't think we knew what to think at all after that.

"And let me say one more thing to you - what if I tell you I was pulling your leg twice and it really was 2BC and not DRC? You'd all be having brain whiplash!" He laughed uproariously. "Now you'll never really know exactly what it was you drank tonight, will you?"

Life is cruel.