Monday, April 28, 2008

Winebowser Sets Some Policies

Recently we mentioned that a well-known Chow food board had decided to spin off its insanely popular wine board section onto a separate site, and rename it “Winebowser.”

The moderators of the Chow site felt that some of the experts who regularly participated in the original wine board should become the administrators of the new Winebowser board, to keep things in good order.

We obtained the transcripts of the first planning meeting held by the Chow official moderators and the wine experts appointed to the Winebowser board:

Moderator: You are the select few who have been appointed to oversee the new Winebowser board venture. Just remember above all else, in keeping with the original Chow board, humor in any form will not be tolerated.

Malaria: You don’t have to worry about that with me. And I think I can safely speak for the others that this will not be a concern among them, either.

Moderator: As you recall, I asked each of you to bring to the table, so to speak –

Del the Zin Fan: Hey, that was sort of funny. (sneers at Moderator)

Moderator: I did not mean it so but even if it was, don’t forget that I am the Moderator and can do as I please. Don’t risk having your IP address banned, Del. (sneers back)

Del the Zin Fan: That’s Del the Zin Fan. (sneers again)

Moderator: Harumph. As I was saying, I asked each of you to bring to the table your ideas on how this new Winebowser board should be run. I’d like to hear what you came up with.

Invoice Seek: I think we should have two different board levels on Winebowser, one for the experts and one for the idiots.

Moderator: What do you mean by “idiots?” Who would you include?

Invoice Seek: For example, people unable to distinguish what type of oak was used in a wine – like American versus French. We can even get into the finer shadings of oak. Or people who only drink wine that is readily available from many stores, or consume current vintages. Or drink wine that most people have heard of that isn't really expensive.

Del the Zin Fan: I think a certain income level as well as experience in the wine area should be considered. It would be extremely inefficient as well as disastrous to allow the experts to waste their time with every Tom, Dick and Harry who happened by the board and typed some silly post.

Malaria: But that would mean there would only be us three at the expert level.

Invoice Seek: That is true. But in time others may be promoted if they prove they deserve it.

Del the Zin Fan: Should we have a “read only” format? Then the cretins may read what the experts write but not take up server space posting anything.

Invoice Seek: Another idea is to separate the boards by the price of the wine being discussed. I am tired of reading about affordable wines. Such a nuisance.

Del the Zin Fan: Or ones that can still be obtained somewhere.

Moderator: Del the Zin Fan, Invoice Seek already mentioned that idea. Don’t duplicate things. All of your ideas sound pretty good. Like I said, as long as you don’t tolerate humor, it should be fine.

Malaria: Excuse me for a moment, I have to use the restroom.

Moderator: Malaria, that is off topic and I am afraid I will have to remove you.

Invoice Seek: She didn’t really have that much experience anyway. Getting back to the way we divide the boards, perhaps we can call ours the Sommelier Board? As opposed to, say, the Trailer Park Board.

Moderator: Is that supposed to be funny?

Invoice Seek: Not in the least.

Moderator: Okay, then you can stay.

Del the Zin Fan: I was thinking, though, if we segregate boards like that, is that legal? Could we be sued for discrimination?

Malaria (from outside the locked door): I know the answer! I know the answer! Let me in!

Moderator: Sorry Malaria, but I the Moderator have locked your door.

Invoice Seek: I think what we can do about this issue might be to have just one board, then. When the bumpkins arrive and start posting, us experts can surround them like vultures and pick them apart. That should drive them away.

Del the Zin Fan: Then how would that be any different from the other wine forums out there?

Moderator: We can try that. If someone insists on continuing to post even though they aren’t welcome, I’ll just ban their IP address.

Del the Zin Fan: Ha ha, good idea.

Invoice Seek: Was that a laugh? Wasn’t that humor?

Moderator: That’s my humor so it’s okay.

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