Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Jury Reaches Verdict on Budo Kun

Band par excellence Steely Dan provides the entertainment outside the courthouse for the trial of fugitive pervert Budo Kun that has now turned into a media circus. Click here if you do not see the video below.





After 4 days of intense deliberation, the jury has filed back into the courtroom. Finally the world will know the fate of Budo Kun.

Esteemed Highness Honor Magistrate: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, have you reached a verdict in the case of the people versus Budo Kun?

Jury: We have, your honor.

Esteemed Highness Honor Magistrate: Will the defendant please rise – as much as you can.

(Budo Kun rises and so does his attorney, Gloria Allmad, looking very confident)

Esteemed Highness Honor Magistrate: Mr. Foreman, what say you?

Foreman: Your Honor, we the people of the jury find the defendant guilty as charged and then some.

(courtroom erupts with gasps and loud whispers)

Someone in courtroom: Noooooooooooooooooooo!

Gloria: Your Honor, I must protest! This trial is a sham! Budo Kun was not judged by a jury of his peers!

Esteemed Highness Honor Magistrate: Order in the court! Shut up and sit down!! Ms. Allmad, you knew that when you took this case that Budo Kun has no ‘peers.’ Where the heck are you going to find anyone that looks like him?

(turns to jury) Is that your final answer?

Jury: Final answer, your Honor.

(those in the courtroom begin to file out. Budo Kun is in tears)

Budo Kun: I can’t believe it. How could they find me guilty? I am innocent! I did nothing wrong! I should have opted for that courtroom process where you get to pick which suitcase has the not-guilty verdict inside. Or trial by blog poll!

Gloria: Look, you little whatever-you-are, pay up or else. My rep just got ruined because of you! I knew I should never have taken the case of some question mark!

Budo Kun: Et tu, Allmad?

Esteemed Highness Honor Magistrate: Bailiff, please escort Mr. Kun back to the Big House. And I don’t mean no Bonny Doon place, either!

Budo Kun: No, no, you can’t do this to me!

(Budo-Kun pops his cork and pulls out the end of a corkscrew. He grabs Gloria Allmad and holds her hostage)

Esteemed Highness Honor Magistrate: Bailiff! Didn’t anyone check the defendant for weapons before he got here??

Bailiff: I didn’t know that thing on top of his head came off!

(meanwhile there is chaos and bedlam in the courtroom)

Budo Kun: You guys gave me a bum rap! I’m innocent! Get away from me or I’ll Metrokane this broad!!”

Gloria: ‘Broad??*#@%&!’ Who you callin’ ‘Broad???’, you Fizztop!

Budo Kun: Shaddap! I ain’t gonna be the fall guy, you got that? Now get away from me or the broad gets it! I wanna ‘nuther lawyer! Get me Mark Geragos!! You’re never gonna take me alive!

(the crowd is standing there, mouths agape when a young woman lurches forward)

JB: Budo Kun! Budo Kun! Please, don’t make it worse for yourself! You can come back to the domaine and start over.

(Budo Kun looks and sees his owner standing there pleading with him to give up. Tears well in his eyes)

Budo Kun: Master! I, I’ve.. I’ve been wronged!

JB: It’s not too late, Budo. Please, put down your weapon.

Budo Kun: I.. I.. can’t.

What will happen? We have to leave the scene of this breaking news to cover another car chase in Sherman Oaks but we will be back.

1 comment:

Jill said...

I'm calling your bluff.

We have the real and only Budo Kun back at domaine547 and he's resting up. He was traveling in China last week, checking out new markets for wine, when the brouhaha supposedly ensued stateside. He has never met Britney Spears, partied on Alcatraz, or scaled the heights of the Walla Walla skyscrapers.

Budo Kun is plainly the victim of character (or mascot) assassination and he will have his day in court...his day against Monkuwino and all other libel-slinging bloggers out there.

Consider this your cease and desist order!