Monday, March 3, 2008

A Charlie Brown Wine Tasting

Okay, it is 2008 and finally Charlie Brown and the rest of the Peanuts gang have grown up and can legally consume wine. We take you now to their monthly wine tasting gathering:

Linus: Greetings fellow Wine (Pea)Nuts. This month it was Snoopy’s turn to select the wine for tasting. Instead of being a wine hound, we have a wine beagle.

Snoopy dances in carrying a bottle of wine concealed in a brown bag. He places it on the table. It isn’t really clear exactly how a dog can carry wine, much less dance but nevertheless he does. Even more amazing, he carefully pours measured tastes into everyone’s tasting glass.

Linus: Shall we see who can correctly pinpoint this month’s wine? Let the tasting begin!

All of the characters carefully examine the wine, swirl, take sniffy sniffs and taste.

Charlie Brown: Oh good grief, once again I have no idea what kind of wine this is.

Lucy: Psst, Charlie Brown, I can help you.

Charlie Brown: Huh?

Lucy: I saw the wine when Snoopy was bagging it. I know what it is.

Charlie Brown: You do?

Lucy: Trust me, Charlie Brown, I got a clear look at the label. It’s a 2005 Montrachet from Comtes Lafon (note: evidently the Peanuts characters have done very well for themselves financially over the years) I’m sure of it.

Charlie Brown examines the wine once more.

Charlie Brown: I don’t know, isn’t a Montrachet a white wine? This wine is red.

Lucy: That’s what that smart-aleck beagle is counting on. He wants to fool us.

Charlie Brown: I just don’t know, Lucy. Every time you tell me you know what the wine is and when I use that as my guess, it’s always wrong.

Lucy: Look, Charlie Brown, it’s not like when I used to hold the football for you to kick and then pulled it away at the last moment. We’re all adults now. You have to trust me.

Schroeder (takes deep sniffy sniffs, violently swirling the wine then gargles it like it was Listerine): I am thoroughly enraptured by the hedonistic essence of this nectar that would be worthy of Beethoven himself. My guess is the 2005 Richebourg from Domaine de la Romanee Conti. No, wait. A subtle terroir clue leads me to believe it is instead from Madame Bize Leroy. A Leroy Richebourg. I’m right, am I not?

Linus: Good guess, Schroeder, but we must let everyone have their turn.

Peppermint Patty: Tastes like a great hot dog wine to me. I say Yellowtail Shiraz 2006.

Pigpen: This wine tastes very earthy to me. And sort of barn-yardy. I guess it is a 2004 red Burgundy from Gevrey Chambertin. It’s like drinking dirt, really.

Violet: Pigpen, every single wine tastes like that to you.

Lucy: Psst, Charlie Brown, I’ll let you take the glory on this one. I’ll guess something else and then you wow them with the right answer, okay?

Charlie Brown nods with some uncertainty but as he ponders the situation, the prospect of being the hero makes his face light up.

Charlie Brown: Okay, Lucy, I’ll do it!

Linus: Lucy, what do you think it is?

Lucy: A 2006 Beaujolais Nouveau from Georges Duboeuf.

Schroeder (rolling his eyes): A Beaujolais? Surely you jest.

Lucy: What if I’m right, huh? Will you give me a kiss? Huh?

Linus: Charlie Brown, let’s hear what you think.

Charlie Brown (confidently): The 2005 Comtes Lafon Montrachet!

Everyone stares at him in disbelief. Charlie Brown thinks they are staring from amazement at his wine tasting prowess and straightens himself up, looking proud. But then Snoopy starts laughing.

Linus: Folks, we have a winner. Someone correctly identified the wine.

Charlie Brown looks even prouder.

Linus (pulling the wine out of the bag): 2006 Nouveau Beaujolais from Duboeuf. Congratulations, Lucy, you nailed it!

Charlie Brown’s face falls and turns redder than the wine.

Violet: Charlie Brown, you blockhead! A Montrachet is a white wine – can’t you see that this wine is red??

Peppermint Patty: Better luck next time, Chuck.

Snoopy continues to laugh while dancing around with his feet in a blur, while Lucy pursues Schroeder for a kiss.

Charlie Brown: Oh good grief, I fell for it again. When am I ever going to learn?

Peanuts and the Peanuts characters are registered trademarks of United Features Syndicate, Inc.

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