Thursday, February 7, 2008

WINE WARS Preview #3 Is Here

Continuing with the previews that began last Tuesday, here is preview #3 of the summer of 2008's blockbuster movie, Wine Wars (with apologies to George Lucas).

A group of sleazy, slimy-looking men that could be mistaken for elected officials or their political appointees are all sitting around a conference table inside of an Imperial Fruit Bomber that is headed towards the Oak Star. Guards are stationed around the room. Commander Toobuk, a particularly slimy looking general, is speaking.

Toobuk: Until the Oak Star is fully operational, we are vulnerable. The Rebel Alliance is too well-equipped and continues to make wines that express true varietal character. They are more dangerous than you realize.

The bitter Admiral Waswah, who has a nervous eye tic, twists nervously in his chair.

Waswah: Dangerous to your wine fleet, Commander, not to the Oak Star Super Colossal Wine-Making Helluva Thing!

Toobuk: The rebellion will continue to gain support in the Imperial Wine Senate as long as-

Toobuk’s speech is cut short and all heads turn as the Grand Vin Poobah Wynekom, governor of the outland regions, enters. He is followed by his powerful ally, Lord Kang Aru. All of the men stand and bow before the evil-looking governor as he takes his place at the head of the table, while the intimidating Kang Aru stands behind and to his side. Kang Aru’s appearance is indeed formidable; his face is hidden behind a mask, his breathing enabled and also amplified by apparatus attached to the mask. Each time he inhales, it makes a very loud sniffy sniff.

Wynekom: The Imperial Wine Senate will no longer be of any concern to us. I’ve just received word that the Emperor has dissolved the council permanently. The last remains of the Old Garde will be swept away.

Toobuk: That’s impossible! How will the Emperor maintain control over the interstellar shipping lines without the bureaucracy?

Wynekom: There are no more interstellar shipping lines. WE control the shipping and the only shipping will be coming directly from the Oak Star. Those little wineries scattered across the galaxy will not be able to ship their pathetic little wines anywhere beyond their own planets because the Emperor has disallowed it. Fear of the Oak Star will keep them in line.

Toobuk: And what of the rebellion? If the Rebels have obtained the technical readout of the Oak Star it is possible, however unlikely, that they might find a weakness and exploit it.

Kang Aru: The plans you refer to will soon be back in our hot little hands.

Waswah: Any attack made by the Rebels against the Oak Star would be a useless gesture, no matter what technical information they have obtained. The Oak Star is now the ultimate winery in the universe!

Kang Aru: Don’t be too proud of this technological terror you’ve constructed. The ability to infuse oak into billions of bottles of wine is insignificant next to the power of Terroir.

Waswah: Don’t try to frighten us with your sorcerer’s ways, Lord Aru. Your sad devotion to that ancient religion hasn’t helped you conjure up the stolen data tapes or given you clairvoyance to find the Rebel’s hidden vineyards, much less identify what grapes are used in the latest vintage of Conundrum..

Kang Aru glares at Waswah, slowly raising his right hand. The sniffy sniff sounds get louder and louder. Suddenly Waswah chokes and starts to turn blue under Lord Aru’s spell.

Kang Aru: I find your lack of faith disturbing.

Wynekom: Enough of this! Aru – release him!

Kang Aru: As you wish.

Aru flicks his wrist and moves his hand away from the choking Waswah, who gasps and tries to regain his breath.

Wynekom: This bickering is pointless. Kang Aru will provide us with the location of the hidden Rebel vineyards by the time the Oak Star is operational. Then we will crush them, all with one swift stroke.

And that’s preview number three, folks. Stay tuned for the next one coming next week!

No comments: