Tuesday, November 20, 2007

The Presidential Debate You Didn't See

(above - "and I do the hokey pokey and I turn myself around..")

The heated debate last Thursday among the democratic presidential candidate hopefuls has generated a great deal of buzz and rightfully so.

But there’s part of the debate that most people didn’t see.

Prior to the televised, “official” portion of the debate, the candidates gathered on stage for a warm up session to make sure their political hats were on right.

Mark Sanger, the food and wine reporter for the Cincinnati Observer started it off. He put forth this simple question to the group: “What wine would you recommend to serve on Thanksgiving?

Without further adieu, here is a transcript of what followed as the candidates responded to the query:

Clinton: Merlot.

Biden: Pinot noir.

Obama: Pinot noir.

Dodd: Pinot noir.

Edwards: Pinot noir.

Kucinich: Pinot noir.

Richardson: Pinot noir.

Sanger: Thank you all. It sounds like pinot noir is the overwhelming favorite among you, 6 votes out of 7.

Clinton: Excuse me, Mark, but I didn’t necessarily mean I would serve merlot.

Obama: Excuse me, Hillary, but you just did.

Edwards: Question asked, question answered. I’m a successful attorney, you know. We all heard it – there’s tons of witnesses. I made millions filing actions on matters like this.

Clinton: That is not what I said. Mark, I believe you asked, ‘What wine would each of us recommend to serve for Thanksgiving?

Sanger: Almost, Ms. Clinton. The exact phrase was, ‘What wine would each of you recommend to serve on Thanksgiving.

Clinton: Thank you, Mark. I did answer the question – I said I would recommend merlot. That does not necessarily mean that I would actually serve it.

Biden: Well now just what did you mean, then? I think we all heard you plain and simple.

Clinton: I meant what I meant and yes you did hear me plain and simple or was your hearing aid turned down?

Obama: Well if you meant what you meant, how can you first say you would recommend serving merlot the first time and then say that isn’t what you meant the second time?

Clinton: Read my lips, Bar-

Obama: From which side of your mouth, the left or right?

Clinton: What I am saying is that merlot may or may not be the wine to serve on Thanksgiving. It depends on a lot of factors that need to be taken into account, like what sort of stuffing is served, the side dishes, etc., and my answer is only to be taken as a generalization.

Richardson: Oh brother, now I’ve heard everything. Can’t you just give us a simple answer and stick to it?

Clinton: I would have to see the menu first to give you a more definite answer.

Sanger: Gang, gang, I see our time is up for that question and things are getting out of hand anyway.

Kucinich: Yes Mark, give us the next thing we can ravage each other about.

Sanger: Candidates, what would you do if the wine that you chose for Thanksgiving was made from grapes picked by undocumented aliens?

Clinton: I would license the wine.

Dodd: I would confiscate all of the bottles and prevent them from being sold.

Edwards: You can’t possibly round up every single bottle like that. That is not a practical solution. I say go back to these wineries and make them pay a fee.

Obama: Let’s focus on preventing this from occurring in the future. Meanwhile, I would propose some sort of amnesty or grandfathering clause to exempt the bottles already on the market from being confiscated.

Clinton: I would not allow these wines to be sold.

Richardson: Now wait a minute, didn’t you just say you would license the wine?

Clinton: Licensing it doesn’t necessarily mean I would allow it to be sold.

Sanger: I’m sorry candidates, but our pre-debate time is up so we will have to end it here. Thank you for your time and your thoughtful answers. I will now turn the microphone over to Wolf Blitzer for the real thing.

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