Wednesday, November 28, 2007

If You Were A Wine, What Wine Would You Be?

I thought it would be interesting to ask this question of the leading presidential candidates:

If you were a wine, what wine would you be?

Knowing that none of them would give an honest answer - all that would come gushing forth would be politically correct rhetoric - here is what the shadow knows: what they would really be thinking, not what they would say.

Hillary Clinton: New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc or even a Savennieres. Very crisp, refreshing, dry, stony, lemony, cold, austere, pungent, aggressive, with mouth-searing acidity. Not a shy or feminine-type wine, that’s for sure.

Barack Obama: Barrel sample of a Classified Growth Bordeaux. There is a lot of potential there but it is still young, unproven and subject to factors affecting the wine before it goes into the bottle.

John Edwards: Big, overblown, in-your-face Aussie Shiraz or, as Gary V would say, an Oak Monster-infected California cabernet. No subtlety or complexity, just big, overwhelming flavors that go for the points rather than substance.

Rudy Giuliani: California Pinot Noir. Became famous because of all the attention gained in the media (the movie Sideways) but so far has exhibited a variety of styles and really hasn’t proven itself other than having been made legendary by the movie and the resultant media attention.

Fred Thomas: Older Classified Growth Bordeaux. Subtle, takes time to appreciate, requires a lot of patience, edges are turning a brick/brown color and perhaps the wine has seen better days and is now on the decline. Generated a lot of enthusiasm upon release, however.

John McCain: Chardonnay. Tries to be a wine for everyone, sometimes blended with other varietals to emphasize certain characteristics. Has been manipulated so much that you can’t tell what the variety is supposed to taste like.

Of course, the above is all subject to change depending on the wind on any given day.

Now let's ask the majority of voters what wine they thought the leading candidates would be if they were a wine:

If Two Buck Chuck made a White Zin, that's what they would be.

Ok, some or most of you are probably offended. Let me just say that I don’t like any of the candidates mentioned above so I have given them all equal blog time!


Anonymous said...

That's witty and fun stuff, monkuboy! Keep 'em comin'.

Anonymous said...

I think you were too nice to certain candidates! But you're nice...I'm mean.

Thanks for the chuckles.

MonkuWino said...

Thanks, Russ & Jill! Actually, I do lean a definite way when it comes to politics but I try to make sure both sides look ridiculous when I write so as to give everyone equal time.

Unknown said...

What a fun idea and spot-on! Great post.