Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Another Wino Hedonist Product: The Cacophonic Harmonizer

Each day it seems that J. Addison, genius behind The Wino Hedonist outdoes himself for unveiling products that will greatly intensify your wine tasting pleasure experience! Today's offer truly stuffs hedonism into winoism to an infinite degree! Please step back and let this sink in:

Cacophonic Harmonizer:

Did you know that you are surrounded by sound? Not just what you can perceive with your ear right now, but also a multitude of frequencies that are registering on your brain even though you may not physically be “hearing” them.

Yes, the air is full of sounds. And these sounds are not necessarily in harmony with one another. In fact, in all likelihood they have formed a distressing cacophony, an unfortunate symphony of dischordant reverberations that have a subtle (or not-so-subtle) impact on your well-being.

For example, have you noticed how at times you may feel a sense of anxiety even though there is seemingly nothing surrounding you at the moment to make you feel that way? Your edginess, my dear friend and patron, is due to the ultra and subsonic cacophony that blares on ad-infinitum.

This cacophonic symphony is affecting your wines, also, and to an even greater, perhaps exponential degree. It’s been proven that vibration is harmful to wine. Think of the molecular damage taking place right now by these millions of frequencies that ring through the air, beyond your threshold of hearing recognition yet being absorbed into your valuable wine collection.

Multiply it by the magnifying effect bottle glass and wine storage unit walls have on these frequencies and if your wine could talk, it would be screaming in your ear for mercy.

And that’s how we can help. The Cacophonic Harmonizer is a patented, amazingly compact yet effective electronic device that operates on a 24/7 basis to undo the cacophony and transform it into tranquil, perfect harmony.

The direct result of employing this device is that your wines will age gracefully, free from the stress inducing cacophony that previously surrounded them. Think of it, the true elimination of “bottle shock.”

Simply plug in the device, then insert the Cacophonic Harmonizer output generator inside of your wine storage unit. The cord leading from the main body to the output generator is ribbon-thin and will not affect your door gasket/seal. There is also a battery-operated standalone version for placing in wine lockers and other areas in which there are no available power outlets.

Once operational, the Cacophonic Harmonizer’s solid state, digital circuitry deconstructs the entirety of the harmful frequencies permeating the environment and outputs them as a pure stream that is recognized as the most heavenly melodic breeze imaginable by your fine wine collection. Just think of it as a mantra for your wine. The result? A broad smile on your face as you raise the glass to your lips and savor a contented wine.

Cacophonic Harmonizer: $1,695.00.

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