California has its first-ever Wine Czar.
Flying through the nomination confirmation process with nary a hitch, William Jefferson Clinton was officially sworn into office on the steps of the Capitol Building in Sacramento yesterday by Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger.
“It is truly an honor to have a former president of the United States serving as an official in our wonderful state,” declared the Governator. “I am particularly pleased that the confirmation process moved smoothly and swiftly. It is too bad that my other agenda cannot do the same,” he joked.
When asked why he thought there were few, if any snags on the journey from nomination to confirmation, the Governator replied, “There’s a reason why President Clinton – I am so used to calling him that – was known as the ‘teflon president.’ Despite all the mischief he was up to in the White House, he came out clean as a whistle. And with more furniture when he left than when he came in, I might add. He’s too likable of a guy to reject.”
A smiling Clinton thanked the Governator for his remarks. “You know, I’ve always enjoyed wine, even, I confess, when I was under age. I loved trying wines although I did not inhale. I’m truly looking forward to making California’s wine industry even more successful than it already is. The future is bright.”
The position of Wine Czar will demand that Clinton spend most of his time in California. A reporter pointed out that he will be on opposite ends of the nation from his wife, presidential candidate Hillary Clinton. “That’s just a sacrifice I will have to bear in the name of the job,” Clinton replied, unable to control his enthusiasm.
Someone mentioned the irony of Clinton’s former vice-president’s nomination for the same post recently going down in flames because of perceived hypocritical behavior. Clinton chuckled. “Our global warming must have melted his teflon armor. Seriously, Al’s a good guy and I’m sorry it had to happen this way.”
“I am not only very pleased and happy for our incredible wine industry,” added Governor Schwarzenegger, “but for my personal self as well. Slick Willie here,” he said while motioning to the ex-president, “is even more of a ladies man than I am. I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship,” he laughed.
“We are just two wild and crazy guys!” Clinton chimed in.
***Grape personification department: The following excerpt is an entry from the Oxford Companion to Wine, 3rd Edition, edited by Jancis Robinson. I thought it was kind of funny given today's fictitious post (but the excerpt below is for real).
Monica: red grape variety grown in great quantity on SARDEGNA, where some varietal Monica di Sardegna is thus labeled. It is thought to have originated in Spain (although it is not known in modern Spain). Its wines are generally undistinguished and should be drunk young, although more recent wines from the Santadi co-operative suggest that with yields lower than the current 15 tonnes/ha, Monica could be a pleasurable, if not always memorable, wine.
***Tomorrow: back to reality with the review of the one wine per this week, and it's a good one.